Fear Goal

I walk past them every day, but I have yet to pick them up.  Them being my printed copies of my 101 Goals in 1001 days.  I’m not new to this rodeo of goal setting, but 101 goals is definitely the largest amount of goals I’ve decided to take on.

Last year I was reading Brian Tracy’s Goals.  Brian (yes, we’re on a first name basis) suggests writing 10 goals down every day as if they are happening.  For example, instead of writing “vacation in Miami” write “I vacation in Miami in Summer 2016.”  I wrote my list of 10 goals down, and quite frankly I had no idea how some of them were going to happen, but I wrote them down anyway.  One of my goals was to take a class.  I knew I didn’t have the money to take it at the time, but I figured I’d write it down.

I will never forget the moment that goal became a reality.  I realize that most goals require some effort on our parts.  Weight loss doesn’t just happen from writing down “I weigh x lbs.”  However, in the case of this particular goal, quite literally, an unexpected check came in the mail that allowed me to pay for the class.

I was struck with fear.  I felt paralyzed like I couldn’t move forward on the thing that I said I wanted so much.  I didn’t believe I was worth having this goal completed/dream come true.  Also, if this goal was possible, then didn’t that mean the other 9 goals on my list were possible, too?  Yep.  Nope.  Not worth those either.

I’m not really sure when this unworthiness thing kicked in.  Have I always been the queen of self-sabotage?  Just when I’m close enough to something great, I try to figure out a way to prove that I’m undeserving of this wonderful love, life, job, career, the list goes on…and so I write.

I’m writing to get through this fear.  I’m writing until I believe that worthiness, like grace is not something that you earn, but something that you’re born into. I’m writing until I’m unafraid of my own light, my own dreams, and the manifestation of the life I want to live.

 

Tonight.

 

Fear Goal

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